A Proud Failure
by Pride's Prejudice
Summary: "He missed when life was this uncomplicated. Where everyday could be sitting next to a stream, dangling your feet and worrying about grades, a girl, friends, quidditch…" A little Draco one-shot.


**Just a one shot for Draco. Who as we know does not belong to me. Song accompaniment/inspiration is Somewhere Only We Know**

How misleading, he thought, for the night to be so cool. So calm. Strolling the grounds was so surreal, such a contrast to his usual rushed, clumsy steps that he had gotten used to over the past months.

The lake's relaxed surface reflected his haggard face back to him from its black depths. A study left him with the conclusion that he made a mistake. A monstrous mistake. As he stared at his drawn and drooping face, the tired set of his mouth and the desperation shining in his eyes, he vaguely remembered when he was firm, confident and aristocratic.

Slowly drawing himself up, he ambled around the grounds, so familiar and serene. It took away the pain and the fear, just for the moment, and let him remember when Hogwarts was a home. It was always warm, welcoming, motherly. It had a therapeutic value that he never fully understood until it was snatched away by the threat he himself posed to it.

Taking off his shoes, he ran. He let the dirt and the sand sink between his toes, make it between every wrinkle and every crevice in his foot, moulding his footprints until they were etched into the very foundation of Hogwarts. He ran until he reach a little stream that fed into the lake, dipped his feet into it, let the frigid water wash away all the dirt and mud that accumulated from his run, and he watched, pretending the sediments were all his problems.

A soft smile curved his lips, a flash of youth in a face so worn and old. He missed when life was this uncomplicated. Where everyday could be sitting next to a stream, dangling your feet and worrying about grades, a girl, friends, quidditch…the little things that used to make life stressful that now made it enviable.

Leaning against a fallen tree, he closed his eyes. For one so young, he was so tired. He never slept, he never stopped. His mind was in a constant state of worry or agitation. Paranoia grasped his very heart, casting defensive spells before turning any corner. Even out here, in the pitch black, against this fallen tree, with his feet in the gentle flow of a stream, he was scared. He wasn't eight years old and afraid of the dark, or eleven and afraid of the animals in the forest. He was sixteen and terrified of himself, the Dark Lord, Harry Potter, muggles. Even now, he felt watched. As if the very branches of the dead tree were boring into his soul and mind, interrupting the only personal haven he had left.

His mind wandered a few years back when this very spot made him giddy with happiness. He was alone and comfortable, soaking in the air and the purity that rang throughout the entire castle and grounds. The school itself was home. The familiarity, the ownership that each student had over their own little corner, it made him wonder how they were all so separated at all. Living in the same castle, attending the same classes, bothering the same teachers, doing the same homework, yet torn apart by their own naivety at the age of eleven and never to let it go. A hat told you where to live, and for the rest of their lives that would mean perpetual separation. It dictated your past, present and future.

For the first time in his life, he was washed over by the sense of belonging to something special. That moment, there against the tree, shrouded by fear and death, there was a glimmer of companionship that he had missed for years. Every child in the school was there for the same reason and there because they belonged. Didn't that mean anything? Didn't the fact that they all went together mean that in some way they were meant to be together? Hogwarts was the one place they all had in common. The place they knew. The place that only they knew.

Each cranny had been poked by every student, every room and secret that could be exploited had been. Together, every student had stripped the place bare, plain for everyone to see. That should've brought them together.

It could've.

It used to be that simple.

Not anymore.

The clock struck the hour, and a tear ran down the young boy's old cheek. Standing, using the tree for support, grasping at its firm, solid surface, he soaked in the strength he needed. Slowly and quietly he made his way up to the Astronomy tower. It was time to try to fulfil his mission and kill the heart and soul of Hogwarts. But he knew he was going to fail. Proudly.

Draco Malfoy could never kill his...

Draco Malfoy could never kill _their_ special place.

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